TPTT As You Like It: ACT III
Introduction
ACT I
ACT II
ACT III
SCENE I. A room in the palace.
SCENE II. The forest.
SCENE III. The forest.
SCENE IV. The forest.
SCENE V. Another part of the forest.
ACT IV
ACT V
About the Play
Feedback
  Search:   
for:

Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay Learn More
SCENE II. The forest.
Enter ORLANDO, with a paper
ORLANDO
      Hang there, my verse, in witness of my love:
      And thou, thrice-crowned queen of night, survey
      With thy chaste eye, from thy pale sphere above,
      Thy huntress' name that my full life doth sway.
5     O Rosalind! these trees shall be my books
      And in their barks my thoughts I'll character;
      That every eye which in this forest looks
      Shall see thy virtue witness'd every where.
      Run, run, Orlando; carve on every tree
10    The fair, the chaste and unexpressive she.
Exit
Enter CORIN and TOUCHSTONE
CORIN
      And how like you this shepherd's life, Master Touchstone?
TOUCHSTONE
      Truly, shepherd, in respect of itself, it is a good
      life, but in respect that it is a shepherd's life,
      it is naught. In respect that it is solitary, I
15    like it very well; but in respect that it is
      private, it is a very vile life. Now, in respect it
      is in the fields, it pleaseth me well; but in
      respect it is not in the court, it is tedious. As
      is it a spare life, look you, it fits my humour well;
20    but as there is no more plenty in it, it goes much
      against my stomach. Hast any philosophy in thee, shepherd?
CORIN
      No more but that I know the more one sickens the
      worse at ease he is; and that he that wants money,
      means and content is without three good friends;
25    that the property of rain is to wet and fire to
      burn; that good pasture makes fat sheep, and that a
      great cause of the night is lack of the sun; that
      he that hath learned no wit by nature nor art may
      complain of good breeding or comes of a very dull kindred.
TOUCHSTONE
30    Such a one is a natural philosopher. Wast ever in
      court, shepherd?
CORIN
      No, truly.
TOUCHSTONE
      Then thou art damned.
CORIN
      Nay, I hope.
TOUCHSTONE
35    Truly, thou art damned like an ill-roasted egg, all
      on one side.
CORIN
      For not being at court? Your reason.
TOUCHSTONE
      Why, if thou never wast at court, thou never sawest
      good manners; if thou never sawest good manners,
40    then thy manners must be wicked; and wickedness is
      sin, and sin is damnation. Thou art in a parlous
      state, shepherd.
CORIN
      Not a whit, Touchstone: those that are good manners
      at the court are as ridiculous in the country as the
45    behavior of the country is most mockable at the
      court. You told me you salute not at the court, but
      you kiss your hands: that courtesy would be
      uncleanly, if courtiers were shepherds.
TOUCHSTONE
      Instance, briefly; come, instance.
CORIN
50    Why, we are still handling our ewes, and their
      fells, you know, are greasy.
TOUCHSTONE
      Why, do not your courtier's hands sweat? and is not
      the grease of a mutton as wholesome as the sweat of
      a man? Shallow, shallow. A better instance, I say; come.
CORIN
55    Besides, our hands are hard.
TOUCHSTONE
      Your lips will feel them the sooner. Shallow again.
      A more sounder instance, come.
CORIN
      And they are often tarred over with the surgery of
      our sheep: and would you have us kiss tar? The
60    courtier's hands are perfumed with civet.
TOUCHSTONE
      Most shallow man! thou worms-meat, in respect of a
      good piece of flesh indeed! Learn of the wise, and
      perpend: civet is of a baser birth than tar, the
      very uncleanly flux of a cat. Mend the instance, shepherd.
CORIN
65    You have too courtly a wit for me: I'll rest.
TOUCHSTONE
      Wilt thou rest damned? God help thee, shallow man!
      God make incision in thee! thou art raw.
CORIN
      Sir, I am a true labourer: I earn that I eat, get
      that I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's
70    happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my
      harm, and the greatest of my pride is to see my ewes
      graze and my lambs suck.
TOUCHSTONE
      That is another simple sin in you, to bring the ewes
      and the rams together and to offer to get your
75    living by the copulation of cattle; to be bawd to a
      bell-wether, and to betray a she-lamb of a
      twelvemonth to a crooked-pated, old, cuckoldly ram,
      out of all reasonable match. If thou beest not
      damned for this, the devil himself will have no
80    shepherds; I cannot see else how thou shouldst
      'scape.
CORIN
      Here comes young Master Ganymede, my new mistress's brother.
Enter ROSALIND, with a paper, reading
ROSALIND
      From the east to western Ind,
      No jewel is like Rosalind.
85    Her worth, being mounted on the wind,
      Through all the world bears Rosalind.
      All the pictures fairest lined
      Are but black to Rosalind.
      Let no fair be kept in mind
90    But the fair of Rosalind.
TOUCHSTONE
      I'll rhyme you so eight years together, dinners and
      suppers and sleeping-hours excepted: it is the
      right butter-women's rank to market.
ROSALIND
      Out, fool!
TOUCHSTONE
95    For a taste:
      If a hart do lack a hind,
      Let him seek out Rosalind.
      If the cat will after kind,
      So be sure will Rosalind.
100   Winter garments must be lined,
      So must slender Rosalind.
      They that reap must sheaf and bind;
      Then to cart with Rosalind.
      Sweetest nut hath sourest rind,
105   Such a nut is Rosalind.
      He that sweetest rose will find
      Must find love's prick and Rosalind.
      This is the very false gallop of verses: why do you
      infect yourself with them?
ROSALIND
110   Peace, you dull fool! I found them on a tree.
TOUCHSTONE
      Truly, the tree yields bad fruit.
ROSALIND
      I'll graff it with you, and then I shall graff it
      with a medlar: then it will be the earliest fruit
      i' the country; for you'll be rotten ere you be half
115   ripe, and that's the right virtue of the medlar.
TOUCHSTONE
      You have said; but whether wisely or no, let the
      forest judge.
Enter CELIA, with a writing
ROSALIND
      Peace! Here comes my sister, reading: stand aside.
CELIA
120   Why should this a desert be?
      For it is unpeopled? No:
      Tongues I'll hang on every tree,
      That shall civil sayings show:
      Some, how brief the life of man
125   Runs his erring pilgrimage,
      That the stretching of a span
      Buckles in his sum of age;
      Some, of violated vows
      'Twixt the souls of friend and friend:
130   But upon the fairest boughs,
      Or at every sentence end,
      Will I Rosalinda write,
      Teaching all that read to know
      The quintessence of every sprite
135   Heaven would in little show.
      Therefore Heaven Nature charged
      That one body should be fill'd
      With all graces wide-enlarged:
      Nature presently distill'd
140   Helen's cheek, but not her heart,
      Cleopatra's majesty,
      Atalanta's better part,
      Sad Lucretia's modesty.
      Thus Rosalind of many parts
145   By heavenly synod was devised,
      Of many faces, eyes and hearts,
      To have the touches dearest prized.
      Heaven would that she these gifts should have,
      And I to live and die her slave.
ROSALIND
150   O most gentle pulpiter! what tedious homily of love
      have you wearied your parishioners withal, and never
      cried 'Have patience, good people!'
CELIA
      How now! back, friends! Shepherd, go off a little.
      Go with him, sirrah.
TOUCHSTONE
155   Come, shepherd, let us make an honourable retreat;
      though not with bag and baggage, yet with scrip and scrippage.
Exeunt CORIN and TOUCHSTONE
CELIA
      Didst thou hear these verses?
ROSALIND
      O, yes, I heard them all, and more too; for some of
      them had in them more feet than the verses would bear.
CELIA
160   That's no matter: the feet might bear the verses.
ROSALIND
      Ay, but the feet were lame and could not bear
      themselves without the verse and therefore stood
      lamely in the verse.
CELIA
      But didst thou hear without wondering how thy name
165   should be hanged and carved upon these trees?
ROSALIND
      I was seven of the nine days out of the wonder
      before you came; for look here what I found on a
      palm-tree. I was never so be-rhymed since
      Pythagoras' time, that I was an Irish rat, which I
170   can hardly remember.
CELIA
      Trow you who hath done this?
ROSALIND
      Is it a man?
CELIA
      And a chain, that you once wore, about his neck.
      Change you colour?
ROSALIND
175   I prithee, who?
CELIA
      O Lord, Lord! it is a hard matter for friends to
      meet; but mountains may be removed with earthquakes
      and so encounter.
ROSALIND
      Nay, but who is it?
CELIA
180   Is it possible?
ROSALIND
      Nay, I prithee now with most petitionary vehemence,
      tell me who it is.
CELIA
      O wonderful, wonderful, and most wonderful
      wonderful! and yet again wonderful, and after that,
185   out of all hooping!
ROSALIND
      Good my complexion! dost thou think, though I am
      caparisoned like a man, I have a doublet and hose in
      my disposition? One inch of delay more is a
      South-sea of discovery; I prithee, tell me who is it
190   quickly, and speak apace. I would thou couldst
      stammer, that thou mightst pour this concealed man
      out of thy mouth, as wine comes out of a narrow-
      mouthed bottle, either too much at once, or none at
      all. I prithee, take the cork out of thy mouth that
195   may drink thy tidings.
CELIA
      So you may put a man in your belly.
ROSALIND
      Is he of God's making? What manner of man? Is his
      head worth a hat, or his chin worth a beard?
CELIA
      Nay, he hath but a little beard.
ROSALIND
200   Why, God will send more, if the man will be
      thankful: let me stay the growth of his beard, if
      thou delay me not the knowledge of his chin.
CELIA
      It is young Orlando, that tripped up the wrestler's
      heels and your heart both in an instant.
ROSALIND
205   Nay, but the devil take mocking: speak, sad brow and
      true maid.
CELIA
      I' faith, coz, 'tis he.
ROSALIND
      Orlando?
CELIA
      Orlando.
ROSALIND
210   Alas the day! what shall I do with my doublet and
      hose? What did he when thou sawest him? What said
      he? How looked he? Wherein went he? What makes
      him here? Did he ask for me? Where remains he?
      How parted he with thee? and when shalt thou see
215   him again? Answer me in one word.
CELIA
      You must borrow me Gargantua's mouth first: 'tis a
      word too great for any mouth of this age's size. To
      say ay and no to these particulars is more than to
      answer in a catechism.
ROSALIND
220   But doth he know that I am in this forest and in
      man's apparel? Looks he as freshly as he did the
      day he wrestled?
CELIA
      It is as easy to count atomies as to resolve the
      propositions of a lover; but take a taste of my
225   finding him, and relish it with good observance.
      I found him under a tree, like a dropped acorn.
ROSALIND
      It may well be called Jove's tree, when it drops
      forth such fruit.
CELIA
      Give me audience, good madam.
ROSALIND
230   Proceed.
CELIA
      There lay he, stretched along, like a wounded knight.
ROSALIND
      Though it be pity to see such a sight, it well
      becomes the ground.
CELIA
      Cry 'holla' to thy tongue, I prithee; it curvets
235   unseasonably. He was furnished like a hunter.
ROSALIND
      O, ominous! he comes to kill my heart.
CELIA
      I would sing my song without a burden: thou bringest
      me out of tune.
ROSALIND
      Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must
240   speak. Sweet, say on.
CELIA
      You bring me out. Soft! comes he not here?
Enter ORLANDO and JAQUES
ROSALIND
      'Tis he: slink by, and note him.
JAQUES
      I thank you for your company; but, good faith, I had
      as lief have been myself alone.
ORLANDO
245   And so had I; but yet, for fashion sake, I thank you
      too for your society.
JAQUES
      God be wi' you: let's meet as little as we can.
ORLANDO
      I do desire we may be better strangers.
JAQUES
      I pray you, mar no more trees with writing
250   love-songs in their barks.
ORLANDO
      I pray you, mar no more of my verses with reading
      them ill-favouredly.
JAQUES
      Rosalind is your love's name?
ORLANDO
      Yes, just.
JAQUES
255   I do not like her name.
ORLANDO
      There was no thought of pleasing you when she was
      christened.
JAQUES
      What stature is she of?
ORLANDO
      Just as high as my heart.
JAQUES
260   You are full of pretty answers. Have you not been
      acquainted with goldsmiths' wives, and conned them
      out of rings?
ORLANDO
      Not so; but I answer you right painted cloth, from
      whence you have studied your questions.
JAQUES
265   You have a nimble wit: I think 'twas made of
      Atalanta's heels. Will you sit down with me? and
      we two will rail against our mistress the world and
      all our misery.
ORLANDO
      I will chide no breather in the world but myself,
270   against whom I know most faults.
JAQUES
      The worst fault you have is to be in love.
ORLANDO
      'Tis a fault I will not change for your best virtue.
      I am weary of you.
JAQUES
      By my troth, I was seeking for a fool when I found
275   you.
ORLANDO
      He is drowned in the brook: look but in, and you
      shall see him.
JAQUES
      There I shall see mine own figure.
ORLANDO
      Which I take to be either a fool or a cipher.
JAQUES
280   I'll tarry no longer with you: farewell, good
      Signior Love.
ORLANDO
      I am glad of your departure: adieu, good Monsieur
      Melancholy.
Exit JAQUES
ROSALIND
      (Aside to CELIA) I will speak to him, like a saucy
285   lackey and under that habit play the knave with him.
      Do you hear, forester?
ORLANDO
      Very well: what would you?
ROSALIND
      I pray you, what is't o'clock?
ORLANDO
      You should ask me what time o' day: there's no clock
290   in the forest.
ROSALIND
      Then there is no true lover in the forest; else
      sighing every minute and groaning every hour would
      detect the lazy foot of Time as well as a clock.
ORLANDO
      And why not the swift foot of Time? had not that
295   been as proper?
ROSALIND
      By no means, sir: Time travels in divers paces with
      divers persons. I'll tell you who Time ambles
      withal, who Time trots withal, who Time gallops
      withal and who he stands still withal.
ORLANDO
300   I prithee, who doth he trot withal?
ROSALIND
      Marry, he trots hard with a young maid between the
      contract of her marriage and the day it is
      solemnized: if the interim be but a se'nnight,
      Time's pace is so hard that it seems the length of
305   seven year.
ORLANDO
      Who ambles Time withal?
ROSALIND
      With a priest that lacks Latin and a rich man that
      hath not the gout, for the one sleeps easily because
      he cannot study, and the other lives merrily because
310   he feels no pain, the one lacking the burden of lean
      and wasteful learning, the other knowing no burden
      of heavy tedious penury; these Time ambles withal.
ORLANDO
      Who doth he gallop withal?
ROSALIND
      With a thief to the gallows, for though he go as
315   softly as foot can fall, he thinks himself too soon there.
ORLANDO
      Who stays it still withal?
ROSALIND
      With lawyers in the vacation, for they sleep between
      term and term and then they perceive not how Time moves.
ORLANDO
      Where dwell you, pretty youth?
ROSALIND
320   With this shepherdess, my sister; here in the
      skirts of the forest, like fringe upon a petticoat.
ORLANDO
      Are you native of this place?
ROSALIND
      As the cony that you see dwell where she is kindled.
ORLANDO
      Your accent is something finer than you could
325   purchase in so removed a dwelling.
ROSALIND
      I have been told so of many: but indeed an old
      religious uncle of mine taught me to speak, who was
      in his youth an inland man; one that knew courtship
      too well, for there he fell in love. I have heard
330   him read many lectures against it, and I thank God
      I am not a woman, to be touched with so many
      giddy offences as he hath generally taxed their
      whole sex withal.
ORLANDO
      Can you remember any of the principal evils that he
335   laid to the charge of women?
ROSALIND
      There were none principal; they were all like one
      another as half-pence are, every one fault seeming
      monstrous till his fellow fault came to match it.
ORLANDO
      I prithee, recount some of them.
ROSALIND
340   No, I will not cast away my physic but on those that
      are sick. There is a man haunts the forest, that
      abuses our young plants with carving 'Rosalind' on
      their barks; hangs odes upon hawthorns and elegies
      on brambles, all, forsooth, deifying the name of
345   Rosalind: if I could meet that fancy-monger I would
      give him some good counsel, for he seems to have the
      quotidian of love upon him.
ORLANDO
      I am he that is so love-shaked: I pray you tell me
      your remedy.
ROSALIND
350   There is none of my uncle's marks upon you: he
      taught me how to know a man in love; in which cage
      of rushes I am sure you are not prisoner.
ORLANDO
      What were his marks?
ROSALIND
      A lean cheek, which you have not, a blue eye and
355   sunken, which you have not, an unquestionable
      spirit, which you have not, a beard neglected,
      which you have not; but I pardon you for that, for
      simply your having in beard is a younger brother's
      revenue: then your hose should be ungartered, your
360   bonnet unbanded, your sleeve unbuttoned, your shoe
      untied and every thing about you demonstrating a
      careless desolation; but you are no such man; you
      are rather point-device in your accoutrements as
      loving yourself than seeming the lover of any other.
ORLANDO
365   Fair youth, I would I could make thee believe I love.
ROSALIND
      Me believe it! you may as soon make her that you
      love believe it; which, I warrant, she is apter to
      do than to confess she does: that is one of the
      points in the which women still give the lie to
370   their consciences. But, in good sooth, are you he
      that hangs the verses on the trees, wherein Rosalind
      is so admired?
ORLANDO
      I swear to thee, youth, by the white hand of
      Rosalind, I am that he, that unfortunate he.
ROSALIND
375   But are you so much in love as your rhymes speak?
ORLANDO
      Neither rhyme nor reason can express how much.
ROSALIND
      Love is merely a madness, and, I tell you, deserves
      as well a dark house and a whip as madmen do: and
      the reason why they are not so punished and cured
380   is, that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers
      are in love too. Yet I profess curing it by counsel.
ORLANDO
      Did you ever cure any so?
ROSALIND
      Yes, one, and in this manner. He was to imagine me
      his love, his mistress; and I set him every day to
385   woo me: at which time would I, being but a moonish
      youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing
      and liking, proud, fantastical, apish, shallow,
      inconstant, full of tears, full of smiles, for every
      passion something and for no passion truly any
390   thing, as boys and women are for the most part
      cattle of this colour; would now like him, now loathe
      him; then entertain him, then forswear him; now weep
      for him, then spit at him; that I drave my suitor
      from his mad humour of love to a living humour of
395   madness; which was, to forswear the full stream of
      the world, and to live in a nook merely monastic.
      And thus I cured him; and this way will I take upon
      me to wash your liver as clean as a sound sheep's
      heart, that there shall not be one spot of love in't.
ORLANDO
400   I would not be cured, youth.
ROSALIND
      I would cure you, if you would but call me Rosalind
      and come every day to my cote and woo me.
ORLANDO
      Now, by the faith of my love, I will: tell me
      where it is.
ROSALIND
405   Go with me to it and I'll show it you and by the way
      you shall tell me where in the forest you live.
      Will you go?
ORLANDO
      With all my heart, good youth.
ROSALIND
      Nay you must call me Rosalind. Come, sister, will you go?
Exeunt
Return to top of page ... or ... Go to next scene