TPTT The Life and Death of King John: ACT I
Introduction
ACT I
SCENE I. KING JOHN'S palace.
ACT II
ACT III
ACT IV
ACT V
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SCENE I. KING JOHN'S palace.
Enter KING JOHN, QUEEN ELINOR, PEMBROKE, ESSEX, SALISBURY, and others, with CHATILLON
KING JOHN
      Now, say, Chatillon, what would France with us?
CHATILLON
      Thus, after greeting, speaks the King of France
      In my behavior to the majesty,
      The borrow'd majesty, of England here.
QUEEN ELINOR
5     A strange beginning: 'borrow'd majesty!'
KING JOHN
      Silence, good mother; hear the embassy.
CHATILLON
      Philip of France, in right and true behalf
      Of thy deceased brother Geffrey's son,
      Arthur Plantagenet, lays most lawful claim
10    To this fair island and the territories,
      To Ireland, Poictiers, Anjou, Touraine, Maine,
      Desiring thee to lay aside the sword
      Which sways usurpingly these several titles,
      And put these same into young Arthur's hand,
15    Thy nephew and right royal sovereign.
KING JOHN
      What follows if we disallow of this?
CHATILLON
      The proud control of fierce and bloody war,
      To enforce these rights so forcibly withheld.
KING JOHN
      Here have we war for war and blood for blood,
20    Controlment for controlment: so answer France.
CHATILLON
      Then take my king's defiance from my mouth,
      The farthest limit of my embassy.
KING JOHN
      Bear mine to him, and so depart in peace:
      Be thou as lightning in the eyes of France;
25    For ere thou canst report I will be there,
      The thunder of my cannon shall be heard:
      So hence! Be thou the trumpet of our wrath
      And sullen presage of your own decay.
      An honourable conduct let him have:
30    Pembroke, look to 't. Farewell, Chatillon.
Exeunt CHATILLON and PEMBROKE
QUEEN ELINOR
      What now, my son! have I not ever said
      How that ambitious Constance would not cease
      Till she had kindled France and all the world,
      Upon the right and party of her son?
35    This might have been prevented and made whole
      With very easy arguments of love,
      Which now the manage of two kingdoms must
      With fearful bloody issue arbitrate.
KING JOHN
      Our strong possession and our right for us.
QUEEN ELINOR
40    Your strong possession much more than your right,
      Or else it must go wrong with you and me:
      So much my conscience whispers in your ear,
      Which none but heaven and you and I shall hear.
Enter a Sheriff
ESSEX
      My liege, here is the strangest controversy
45    Come from country to be judged by you,
      That e'er I heard: shall I produce the men?
KING JOHN
      Let them approach.
      Our abbeys and our priories shall pay
      This expedition's charge.

Enter ROBERT and the BASTARD

50    What men are you?
BASTARD
      Your faithful subject I, a gentleman
      Born in Northamptonshire and eldest son,
      As I suppose, to Robert Faulconbridge,
      A soldier, by the honour-giving hand
55    Of Coeur-de-lion knighted in the field.
KING JOHN
      What art thou?
ROBERT
      The son and heir to that same Faulconbridge.
KING JOHN
      Is that the elder, and art thou the heir?
      You came not of one mother then, it seems.
BASTARD
60    Most certain of one mother, mighty king;
      That is well known; and, as I think, one father:
      But for the certain knowledge of that truth
      I put you o'er to heaven and to my mother:
      Of that I doubt, as all men's children may.
QUEEN ELINOR
65    Out on thee, rude man! thou dost shame thy mother
      And wound her honour with this diffidence.
BASTARD
      I, madam? no, I have no reason for it;
      That is my brother's plea and none of mine;
      The which if he can prove, a' pops me out
70    At least from fair five hundred pound a year:
      Heaven guard my mother's honour and my land!
KING JOHN
      A good blunt fellow. Why, being younger born,
      Doth he lay claim to thine inheritance?
BASTARD
      I know not why, except to get the land.
75    But once he slander'd me with bastardy:
      But whether I be as true begot or no,
      That still I lay upon my mother's head,
      But that I am as well begot, my liege,--
      Fair fall the bones that took the pains for me!--
80    Compare our faces and be judge yourself.
      If old sir Robert did beget us both
      And were our father and this son like him,
      O old sir Robert, father, on my knee
      I give heaven thanks I was not like to thee!
KING JOHN
85    Why, what a madcap hath heaven lent us here!
QUEEN ELINOR
      He hath a trick of Coeur-de-lion's face;
      The accent of his tongue affecteth him.
      Do you not read some tokens of my son
      In the large composition of this man?
KING JOHN
90    Mine eye hath well examined his parts
      And finds them perfect Richard. Sirrah, speak,
      What doth move you to claim your brother's land?
BASTARD
      Because he hath a half-face, like my father.
      With half that face would he have all my land:
95    A half-faced groat five hundred pound a year!
ROBERT
      My gracious liege, when that my father lived,
      Your brother did employ my father much,--
BASTARD
      Well, sir, by this you cannot get my land:
      Your tale must be how he employ'd my mother.
ROBERT
100   And once dispatch'd him in an embassy
      To Germany, there with the emperor
      To treat of high affairs touching that time.
      The advantage of his absence took the king
      And in the mean time sojourn'd at my father's;
105   Where how he did prevail I shame to speak,
      But truth is truth: large lengths of seas and shores
      Between my father and my mother lay,
      As I have heard my father speak himself,
      When this same lusty gentleman was got.
110   Upon his death-bed he by will bequeath'd
      His lands to me, and took it on his death
      That this my mother's son was none of his;
      And if he were, he came into the world
      Full fourteen weeks before the course of time.
115   Then, good my liege, let me have what is mine,
      My father's land, as was my father's will.
KING JOHN
      Sirrah, your brother is legitimate;
      Your father's wife did after wedlock bear him,
      And if she did play false, the fault was hers;
120   Which fault lies on the hazards of all husbands
      That marry wives. Tell me, how if my brother,
      Who, as you say, took pains to get this son,
      Had of your father claim'd this son for his?
      In sooth, good friend, your father might have kept
125   This calf bred from his cow from all the world;
      In sooth he might; then, if he were my brother's,
      My brother might not claim him; nor your father,
      Being none of his, refuse him: this concludes;
      My mother's son did get your father's heir;
130   Your father's heir must have your father's land.
ROBERT
      Shall then my father's will be of no force
      To dispossess that child which is not his?
BASTARD
      Of no more force to dispossess me, sir,
      Than was his will to get me, as I think.
QUEEN ELINOR
135   Whether hadst thou rather be a Faulconbridge
      And like thy brother, to enjoy thy land,
      Or the reputed son of Coeur-de-lion,
      Lord of thy presence and no land beside?
BASTARD
      Madam, an if my brother had my shape,
140   And I had his, sir Robert's his, like him;
      And if my legs were two such riding-rods,
      My arms such eel-skins stuff'd, my face so thin
      That in mine ear I durst not stick a rose
      Lest men should say 'Look, where three-farthings goes!'
145   And, to his shape, were heir to all this land,
      Would I might never stir from off this place,
      I would give it every foot to have this face;
      I would not be sir Nob in any case.
QUEEN ELINOR
      I like thee well: wilt thou forsake thy fortune,
150   Bequeath thy land to him and follow me?
      I am a soldier and now bound to France.
BASTARD
      Brother, take you my land, I'll take my chance.
      Your face hath got five hundred pound a year,
      Yet sell your face for five pence and 'tis dear.
155   Madam, I'll follow you unto the death.
QUEEN ELINOR
      Nay, I would have you go before me thither.
BASTARD
      Our country manners give our betters way.
KING JOHN
      What is thy name?
BASTARD
      Philip, my liege, so is my name begun,
160   Philip, good old sir Robert's wife's eldest son.
KING JOHN
      From henceforth bear his name whose form thou bear'st:
      Kneel thou down Philip, but rise more great,
      Arise sir Richard and Plantagenet.
BASTARD
      Brother by the mother's side, give me your hand:
165   My father gave me honour, yours gave land.
      Now blessed by the hour, by night or day,
      When I was got, sir Robert was away!
QUEEN ELINOR
      The very spirit of Plantagenet!
      I am thy grandam, Richard; call me so.
BASTARD
170   Madam, by chance but not by truth; what though?
      Something about, a little from the right,
      In at the window, or else o'er the hatch:
      Who dares not stir by day must walk by night,
      And have is have, however men do catch:
175   Near or far off, well won is still well shot,
      And I am I, howe'er I was begot.
KING JOHN
      Go, Faulconbridge: now hast thou thy desire;
      A landless knight makes thee a landed squire.
      Come, madam, and come, Richard, we must speed
180   For France, for France, for it is more than need.
BASTARD
      Brother, adieu: good fortune come to thee!
      For thou wast got i' the way of honesty.

Exeunt all but BASTARD

      A foot of honour better than I was;
      But many a many foot of land the worse.
185   Well, now can I make any Joan a lady.
      'Good den, sir Richard!'--'God-a-mercy, fellow!'--
      And if his name be George, I'll call him Peter;
      For new-made honour doth forget men's names;
      'Tis too respective and too sociable
190   For your conversion. Now your traveller,
      He and his toothpick at my worship's mess,
      And when my knightly stomach is sufficed,
      Why then I suck my teeth and catechise
      My picked man of countries: 'My dear sir,'
195   Thus, leaning on mine elbow, I begin,
      'I shall beseech you'--that is question now;
      And then comes answer like an Absey book:
      'O sir,' says answer, 'at your best command;
      At your employment; at your service, sir;'
200   'No, sir,' says question, 'I, sweet sir, at yours:'
      And so, ere answer knows what question would,
      Saving in dialogue of compliment,
      And talking of the Alps and Apennines,
      The Pyrenean and the river Po,
205   It draws toward supper in conclusion so.
      But this is worshipful society
      And fits the mounting spirit like myself,
      For he is but a bastard to the time
      That doth not smack of observation;
210   And so am I, whether I smack or no;
      And not alone in habit and device,
      Exterior form, outward accoutrement,
      But from the inward motion to deliver
      Sweet, sweet, sweet poison for the age's tooth:
215   Which, though I will not practise to deceive,
      Yet, to avoid deceit, I mean to learn;
      For it shall strew the footsteps of my rising.
      But who comes in such haste in riding-robes?
      What woman-post is this? hath she no husband
220   That will take pains to blow a horn before her?

Enter LADY FAULCONBRIDGE and GURNEY

      O me! it is my mother. How now, good lady!
      What brings you here to court so hastily?
LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
      Where is that slave, thy brother? where is he,
      That holds in chase mine honour up and down?
BASTARD
225   My brother Robert? old sir Robert's son?
      Colbrand the giant, that same mighty man?
      Is it sir Robert's son that you seek so?
LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
      Sir Robert's son! Ay, thou unreverend boy,
      Sir Robert's son: why scorn'st thou at sir Robert?
230   He is sir Robert's son, and so art thou.
BASTARD
      James Gurney, wilt thou give us leave awhile?
GURNEY
      Good leave, good Philip.
BASTARD
      Philip! sparrow: James,
      There's toys abroad: anon I'll tell thee more.

Exit GURNEY

235   Madam, I was not old sir Robert's son:
      Sir Robert might have eat his part in me
      Upon Good-Friday and ne'er broke his fast:
      Sir Robert could do well: marry, to confess,
      Could he get me? Sir Robert could not do it:
240   We know his handiwork: therefore, good mother,
      To whom am I beholding for these limbs?
      Sir Robert never holp to make this leg.
LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
      Hast thou conspired with thy brother too,
      That for thine own gain shouldst defend mine honour?
245   What means this scorn, thou most untoward knave?
BASTARD
      Knight, knight, good mother, Basilisco-like.
      What! I am dubb'd! I have it on my shoulder.
      But, mother, I am not sir Robert's son;
      I have disclaim'd sir Robert and my land;
250   Legitimation, name and all is gone:
      Then, good my mother, let me know my father;
      Some proper man, I hope: who was it, mother?
LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
      Hast thou denied thyself a Faulconbridge?
BASTARD
      As faithfully as I deny the devil.
LADY FAULCONBRIDGE
255   King Richard Coeur-de-lion was thy father:
      By long and vehement suit I was seduced
      To make room for him in my husband's bed:
      Heaven lay not my transgression to my charge!
      Thou art the issue of my dear offence,
260   Which was so strongly urged past my defence.
BASTARD
      Now, by this light, were I to get again,
      Madam, I would not wish a better father.
      Some sins do bear their privilege on earth,
      And so doth yours; your fault was not your folly:
265   Needs must you lay your heart at his dispose,
      Subjected tribute to commanding love,
      Against whose fury and unmatched force
      The aweless lion could not wage the fight,
      Nor keep his princely heart from Richard's hand.
270   He that perforce robs lions of their hearts
      May easily win a woman's. Ay, my mother,
      With all my heart I thank thee for my father!
      Who lives and dares but say thou didst not well
      When I was got, I'll send his soul to hell.
275   Come, lady, I will show thee to my kin;
      And they shall say, when Richard me begot,
      If thou hadst said him nay, it had been sin:
      Who says it was, he lies; I say 'twas not.
Exeunt
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