TPTT The Merry Wives of Windsor: ACT I
Introduction
ACT I
SCENE I. Windsor. Before PAGE's house.
SCENE II. The same.
SCENE III. A room in the Garter Inn.
SCENE IV. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.
ACT II
ACT III
ACT IV
ACT V
About the Play
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SCENE IV. A room in DOCTOR CAIUS' house.
Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
      and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
      Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
      body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
5     God's patience and the king's English.
RUGBY
      I'll go watch.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
      faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.

Exit RUGBY

      An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
10    shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
      tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
      that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
      that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
      that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
SIMPLE
15    Ay, for fault of a better.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      And Master Slender's your master?
SIMPLE
      Ay, forsooth.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
      glover's paring-knife?
SIMPLE
20    No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
      little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
SIMPLE
      Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
      as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
25    with a warrener.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
      hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
SIMPLE
      Yes, indeed, does he.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
30    Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
      master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish--
Re-enter RUGBY
RUGBY
      Out, alas! here comes my master.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
      go into this closet: he will not stay long.

Shuts SIMPLE in the closet

35    What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
      Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
      he be not well, that he comes not home.

Singing

      And down, down, adown-a, &c.
Enter DOCTOR CAIUS
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
40    go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
      a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.

Aside

      I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
      the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
DOCTOR CAIUS
45    Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
      m'en vais a la cour--la grande affaire.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Is it this, sir?
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
      is dat knave Rugby?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
50    What, John Rugby! John!
RUGBY
      Here, sir!
DOCTOR CAIUS
      You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
      take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
RUGBY
      'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
DOCTOR CAIUS
55    By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!
      Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
      dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!
DOCTOR CAIUS
      O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!

Pulling SIMPLE out

60    Rugby, my rapier!
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Good master, be content.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Wherefore shall I be content-a?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      The young man is an honest man.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is
65    no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
      of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Vell.
SIMPLE
      Ay, forsooth; to desire her to--
MISTRESS QUICKLY
70    Peace, I pray you.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
SIMPLE
      To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
      speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
      master in the way of marriage.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
75    This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
      finger in the fire, and need not.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
      Tarry you a little-a while.
Writes
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      (Aside to SIMPLE) I am glad he is so quiet: if he
80    had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
      so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
      man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
      the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
      master,--I may call him my master, look you, for I
85    keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
      scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
      all myself,--
SIMPLE
      (Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY) 'Tis a great charge to
      come under one body's hand.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
90    (Aside to SIMPLE) Are you avised o' that? you
      shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
      and down late; but notwithstanding,--to tell you in
      your ear; I would have no words of it,--my master
      himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
95    notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,--that's
      neither here nor there.
DOCTOR CAIUS
      You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
      gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
      park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
100   to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
      you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
      stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
      at his dog:
Exit SIMPLE
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
DOCTOR CAIUS
105   It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
      dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
      vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
      host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
      will myself have Anne Page.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
110   Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
      must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
DOCTOR CAIUS
      Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
      not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
      door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY
MISTRESS QUICKLY
115   You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
      know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
      knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
      than I do with her, I thank heaven.
FENTON
      (Within) Who's within there? ho!
MISTRESS QUICKLY
120   Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.
Enter FENTON
FENTON
      How now, good woman? how dost thou?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
FENTON
      What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
125   gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you
      that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
FENTON
      Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
      notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
130   book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
      above your eye?
FENTON
      Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
      another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
135   broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
      shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
      indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
      musing: but for you--well, go to.
FENTON
      Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
140   for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
      thou seest her before me, commend me.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
      worship more of the wart the next time we have
      confidence; and of other wooers.
FENTON
145   Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
      Farewell to your worship.

Exit FENTON

      Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
      for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
      upon't! what have I forgot?
Exit
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