Much Ado about Nothing: ACT I , SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.

Much Ado about Nothing: ACT I


	Introduction

	ACT I

		SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.

		SCENE II. A room in LEONATO's house.

		SCENE III. The same.

	ACT II

	ACT III

	ACT IV

	ACT V

	About the Play

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SCENE I. Before LEONATO'S house.

Enter LEONATO, HERO, and BEATRICE, with a Messenger

LEONATO

I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon
comes this night to Messina.

Messenger

He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off
when I left him.

LEONATO

5 How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?

Messenger

But few of any sort, and none of name.

LEONATO

      A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
      home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath
      bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.

Messenger

10    Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by
      Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the
      promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,
      the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better
      bettered expectation than you must expect of me to
15    tell you how.

LEONATO

He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
glad of it.

Messenger

      I have already delivered him letters, and there
      appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could
20    not show itself modest enough without a badge of
      bitterness.

LEONATO

Did he break out into tears?

Messenger

In great measure.

LEONATO

      A kind overflow of kindness: there are no faces
25    truer than those that are so washed. How much
      better is it to weep at joy than to joy at weeping!

BEATRICE

I pray you, is Signior Mountanto returned from the
wars or no?

Messenger

I know none of that name, lady: there was none such
30 in the army of any sort.

LEONATO

What is he that you ask for, niece?

HERO

My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.

Messenger

O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.

BEATRICE

      He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged
35    Cupid at the flight; and my uncle's fool, reading
      the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
      him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
      killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath
      he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.

LEONATO

40 Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;
but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.

Messenger

He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.

BEATRICE

      You had musty victual, and he hath holp to eat it:
      he is a very valiant trencherman; he hath an
45    excellent stomach.

Messenger

And a good soldier too, lady.

BEATRICE

And a good soldier to a lady: but what is he to a lord?

Messenger

A lord to a lord, a man to a man; stuffed with all
honourable virtues.

BEATRICE

50 It is so, indeed; he is no less than a stuffed man:
but for the stuffing,--well, we are all mortal.

LEONATO

      You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a
      kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
      they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit
55    between them.

BEATRICE

      Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last
      conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and
      now is the whole man governed with one: so that if
      he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him
60    bear it for a difference between himself and his
      horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,
      to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
      companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.

Messenger

Is't possible?

BEATRICE

65    Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as
      the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the
      next block.

Messenger

I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.

BEATRICE

      No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
70    you, who is his companion? Is there no young
      squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?

Messenger

He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.

BEATRICE

      O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he
      is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
75    runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
      he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
      thousand pound ere a' be cured.

Messenger

I will hold friends with you, lady.

BEATRICE

Do, good friend.

LEONATO

80 You will never run mad, niece.

BEATRICE

No, not till a hot January.

Messenger

Don Pedro is approached.

Enter DON PEDRO, DON JOHN, CLAUDIO, BENEDICK, and BALTHASAR

DON PEDRO

      Good Signior Leonato, you are come to meet your
      trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid
85    cost, and you encounter it.

LEONATO

      Never came trouble to my house in the likeness of
      your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort should
      remain; but when you depart from me, sorrow abides
      and happiness takes his leave.

DON PEDRO

90 You embrace your charge too willingly. I think this
is your daughter.

LEONATO

Her mother hath many times told me so.

BENEDICK

Were you in doubt, sir, that you asked her?

LEONATO

Signior Benedick, no; for then were you a child.

DON PEDRO

95    You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this
      what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers
      herself. Be happy, lady; for you are like an
      honourable father.

BENEDICK

      If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
100   have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as
      like him as she is.

BEATRICE

I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick: nobody marks you.

BENEDICK

What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?

BEATRICE

105   Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
      such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
      Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
      in her presence.

BENEDICK

      Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
110   am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
      would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
      heart; for, truly, I love none.

BEATRICE

      A dear happiness to women: they would else have
      been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
115   and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
      had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
      swear he loves me.

BENEDICK

      God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
      gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
120   scratched face.

BEATRICE

Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
a face as yours were.

BENEDICK

Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.

BEATRICE

A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.

BENEDICK

125   I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
      so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
      name; I have done.

BEATRICE

You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.

DON PEDRO

      That is the sum of all, Leonato. Signior Claudio
130   and Signior Benedick, my dear friend Leonato hath
      invited you all. I tell him we shall stay here at
      the least a month; and he heartily prays some
      occasion may detain us longer. I dare swear he is no
      hypocrite, but prays from his heart.

LEONATO

135 If you swear, my lord, you shall not be forsworn.

To DON JOHN

Let me bid you welcome, my lord: being reconciled to
the prince your brother, I owe you all duty.

DON JOHN

I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank
you.

LEONATO

140 Please it your grace lead on?

DON PEDRO

Your hand, Leonato; we will go together.

Exeunt all except BENEDICK and CLAUDIO

CLAUDIO

Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?

BENEDICK

I noted her not; but I looked on her.

CLAUDIO

Is she not a modest young lady?

BENEDICK

145   Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for
      my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak
      after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?

CLAUDIO

No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.

BENEDICK

      Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high
150   praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little
      for a great praise: only this commendation I can
      afford her, that were she other than she is, she
      were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I
      do not like her.

CLAUDIO

155 Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me
truly how thou likest her.

BENEDICK

Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?

CLAUDIO

Can the world buy such a jewel?

BENEDICK

      Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this
160   with a sad brow? or do you play the flouting Jack,
      to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder and Vulcan a
      rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take
      you, to go in the song?

CLAUDIO

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I
165 looked on.

BENEDICK

      I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such
      matter: there's her cousin, an she were not
      possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty
      as the first of May doth the last of December. But I
170   hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

CLAUDIO

I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn the
contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK

      Is't come to this? In faith, hath not the world
      one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion?
175   Shall I never see a bachelor of three-score again?
      Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck
      into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away
      Sundays. Look Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Re-enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO

What secret hath held you here, that you followed
180 not to Leonato's?

BENEDICK

I would your grace would constrain me to tell.

DON PEDRO

I charge thee on thy allegiance.

BENEDICK

      You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb
      man; I would have you think so; but, on my
185   allegiance, mark you this, on my allegiance. He is
      in love. With who? now that is your grace's part.
      Mark how short his answer is;--With Hero, Leonato's
      short daughter.

CLAUDIO

If this were so, so were it uttered.

BENEDICK

190   Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor
      'twas not so, but, indeed, God forbid it should be
      so.'

CLAUDIO

If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it
should be otherwise.

DON PEDRO

195 Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

CLAUDIO

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, I speak my thought.

CLAUDIO

And, in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK

And, by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO

200 That I love her, I feel.

DON PEDRO

That she is worthy, I know.

BENEDICK

      That I neither feel how she should be loved nor
      know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that
      fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.

DON PEDRO

205 Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite
of beauty.

CLAUDIO

And never could maintain his part but in the force
of his will.

BENEDICK

      That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she
210   brought me up, I likewise give her most humble
      thanks: but that I will have a recheat winded in my
      forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick,
      all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do
      them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the
215   right to trust none; and the fine is, for the which
      I may go the finer, I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO

I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK

      With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord,
      not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood
220   with love than I will get again with drinking, pick
      out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me
      up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of
      blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO

Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou
225 wilt prove a notable argument.

BENEDICK

      If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot
      at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on
      the shoulder, and called Adam.

DON PEDRO

Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull
230 doth bear the yoke.'

BENEDICK

      The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible
      Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set
      them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted,
      and in such great letters as they write 'Here is
235   good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign
      'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

CLAUDIO

If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

DON PEDRO

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in
Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK

240 I look for an earthquake too, then.

DON PEDRO

      Well, you temporize with the hours. In the
      meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to
      Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will
      not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made
245   great preparation.

BENEDICK

I have almost matter enough in me for such an
embassage; and so I commit you--

CLAUDIO

To the tuition of God: From my house, if I had it,--

DON PEDRO

The sixth of July: Your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK

250   Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your
      discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and
      the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere
      you flout old ends any further, examine your
      conscience: and so I leave you.

Exit

CLAUDIO

255 My liege, your highness now may do me good.

DON PEDRO

      My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,
      And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn
      Any hard lesson that may do thee good.

CLAUDIO

Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

DON PEDRO

260 No child but Hero; she's his only heir.
Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

CLAUDIO

      O, my lord,
      When you went onward on this ended action,
      I look'd upon her with a soldier's eye,
265   That liked, but had a rougher task in hand
      Than to drive liking to the name of love:
      But now I am return'd and that war-thoughts
      Have left their places vacant, in their rooms
      Come thronging soft and delicate desires,
270   All prompting me how fair young Hero is,
      Saying, I liked her ere I went to wars.

DON PEDRO

      Thou wilt be like a lover presently
      And tire the hearer with a book of words.
      If thou dost love fair Hero, cherish it,
275   And I will break with her and with her father,
      And thou shalt have her. Was't not to this end
      That thou began'st to twist so fine a story?

CLAUDIO

      How sweetly you do minister to love,
      That know love's grief by his complexion!
280   But lest my liking might too sudden seem,
      I would have salved it with a longer treatise.

DON PEDRO

      What need the bridge much broader than the flood?
      The fairest grant is the necessity.
      Look, what will serve is fit: 'tis once, thou lovest,
285   And I will fit thee with the remedy.
      I know we shall have revelling to-night:
      I will assume thy part in some disguise
      And tell fair Hero I am Claudio,
      And in her bosom I'll unclasp my heart
290   And take her hearing prisoner with the force
      And strong encounter of my amorous tale:
      Then after to her father will I break;
      And the conclusion is, she shall be thine.
      In practise let us put it presently.

Exeunt

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