Much Ado about Nothing: ACT II , SCENE III. LEONATO'S orchard.

Much Ado about Nothing: ACT II


	Introduction

	ACT I

	ACT II

		SCENE I. A hall in LEONATO'S house.

		SCENE II. The same.

		SCENE III. LEONATO'S orchard.

	ACT III

	ACT IV

	ACT V

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SCENE III. LEONATO'S orchard.

Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK

Boy!

Enter Boy

Boy

Signior?

BENEDICK

In my chamber-window lies a book: bring it hither
to me in the orchard.

Boy

5 I am here already, sir.

BENEDICK

I know that; but I would have thee hence, and here again.

Exit Boy

      I do much wonder that one man, seeing how much
      another man is a fool when he dedicates his
      behaviors to love, will, after he hath laughed at
10    such shallow follies in others, become the argument
      of his own scorn by failing in love: and such a man
      is Claudio. I have known when there was no music
      with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he
      rather hear the tabour and the pipe: I have known
15    when he would have walked ten mile a-foot to see a
      good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake,
      carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to
      speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man
      and a soldier; and now is he turned orthography; his
20    words are a very fantastical banquet, just so many
      strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with
      these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not: I will not
      be sworn, but love may transform me to an oyster; but
      I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster
25    of me, he shall never make me such a fool. One woman
      is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am
      well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all
      graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in
      my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise,
30    or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her;
      fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not
      near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good
      discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall
      be of what colour it please God. Ha! the prince and
35    Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour.

Withdraws

Enter DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO

DON PEDRO

Come, shall we hear this music?

CLAUDIO

Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is,
As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!

DON PEDRO

See you where Benedick hath hid himself?

CLAUDIO

40 O, very well, my lord: the music ended,
We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth.

Enter BALTHASAR with Music

DON PEDRO

Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again.

BALTHASAR

O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice
To slander music any more than once.

DON PEDRO

45    It is the witness still of excellency
      To put a strange face on his own perfection.
      I pray thee, sing, and let me woo no more.

BALTHASAR

      Because you talk of wooing, I will sing;
      Since many a wooer doth commence his suit
50    To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes,
      Yet will he swear he loves.

DON PEDRO

      Now, pray thee, come;
      Or, if thou wilt hold longer argument,
      Do it in notes.

BALTHASAR

55 Note this before my notes;
There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting.

DON PEDRO

Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks;
Note, notes, forsooth, and nothing.

Air

BENEDICK

      Now, divine air! now is his soul ravished! Is it
60    not strange that sheeps' guts should hale souls out
      of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when
      all's done.

The Song

BALTHASAR

      Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
      Men were deceivers ever,
65    One foot in sea and one on shore,
      To one thing constant never:
      Then sigh not so, but let them go,
      And be you blithe and bonny,
      Converting all your sounds of woe
70    Into Hey nonny, nonny.
      Sing no more ditties, sing no moe,
      Of dumps so dull and heavy;
      The fraud of men was ever so,
      Since summer first was leafy:
75    Then sigh not so, &c.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a good song.

BALTHASAR

And an ill singer, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Ha, no, no, faith; thou singest well enough for a shift.

BENEDICK

      An he had been a dog that should have howled thus,
80    they would have hanged him: and I pray God his bad
      voice bode no mischief. I had as lief have heard the
      night-raven, come what plague could have come after
      it.

DON PEDRO

      Yea, marry, dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee,
85    get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we
      would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber-window.

BALTHASAR

The best I can, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Do so: farewell.

Exit BALTHASAR

      Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of
90    to-day, that your niece Beatrice was in love with
      Signior Benedick?

CLAUDIO

O, ay: stalk on. stalk on; the fowl sits. I did
never think that lady would have loved any man.

LEONATO

      No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she
95    should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in
      all outward behaviors seemed ever to abhor.

BENEDICK

Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner?

LEONATO

      By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think
      of it but that she loves him with an enraged
100   affection: it is past the infinite of thought.

DON PEDRO

May be she doth but counterfeit.

CLAUDIO

Faith, like enough.

LEONATO

      O God, counterfeit! There was never counterfeit of
      passion came so near the life of passion as she
105   discovers it.

DON PEDRO

Why, what effects of passion shows she?

CLAUDIO

Bait the hook well; this fish will bite.

LEONATO

What effects, my lord? She will sit you, you heard
my daughter tell you how.

CLAUDIO

110 She did, indeed.

DON PEDRO

      How, how, pray you? You amaze me: I would have I
      thought her spirit had been invincible against all
      assaults of affection.

LEONATO

I would have sworn it had, my lord; especially
115 against Benedick.

BENEDICK

      I should think this a gull, but that the
      white-bearded fellow speaks it: knavery cannot,
      sure, hide himself in such reverence.

CLAUDIO

He hath ta'en the infection: hold it up.

DON PEDRO

120 Hath she made her affection known to Benedick?

LEONATO

No; and swears she never will: that's her torment.

CLAUDIO

      'Tis true, indeed; so your daughter says: 'Shall
      I,' says she, 'that have so oft encountered him
      with scorn, write to him that I love him?'

LEONATO

125   This says she now when she is beginning to write to
      him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and
      there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a
      sheet of paper: my daughter tells us all.

CLAUDIO

Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a
130 pretty jest your daughter told us of.

LEONATO

O, when she had writ it and was reading it over, she
found Benedick and Beatrice between the sheet?

CLAUDIO

That.

LEONATO

      O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence;
135   railed at herself, that she should be so immodest
      to write to one that she knew would flout her; 'I
      measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I
      should flout him, if he writ to me; yea, though I
      love him, I should.'

CLAUDIO

140   Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs,
      beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses; 'O
      sweet Benedick! God give me patience!'

LEONATO

      She doth indeed; my daughter says so: and the
      ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter
145   is sometime afeared she will do a desperate outrage
      to herself: it is very true.

DON PEDRO

It were good that Benedick knew of it by some
other, if she will not discover it.

CLAUDIO

To what end? He would make but a sport of it and
150 torment the poor lady worse.

DON PEDRO

      An he should, it were an alms to hang him. She's an
      excellent sweet lady; and, out of all suspicion,
      she is virtuous.

CLAUDIO

And she is exceeding wise.

DON PEDRO

155 In every thing but in loving Benedick.

LEONATO

      O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender
      a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath
      the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just
      cause, being her uncle and her guardian.

DON PEDRO

160   I would she had bestowed this dotage on me: I would
      have daffed all other respects and made her half
      myself. I pray you, tell Benedick of it, and hear
      what a' will say.

LEONATO

Were it good, think you?

CLAUDIO

165   Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she
      will die, if he love her not, and she will die, ere
      she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo
      her, rather than she will bate one breath of her
      accustomed crossness.

DON PEDRO

170   She doth well: if she should make tender of her
      love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the
      man, as you know all, hath a contemptible spirit.

CLAUDIO

He is a very proper man.

DON PEDRO

He hath indeed a good outward happiness.

CLAUDIO

175 Before God! and, in my mind, very wise.

DON PEDRO

He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit.

CLAUDIO

And I take him to be valiant.

DON PEDRO

      As Hector, I assure you: and in the managing of
      quarrels you may say he is wise; for either he
180   avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes
      them with a most Christian-like fear.

LEONATO

      If he do fear God, a' must necessarily keep peace:
      if he break the peace, he ought to enter into a
      quarrel with fear and trembling.

DON PEDRO

185   And so will he do; for the man doth fear God,
      howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests
      he will make. Well I am sorry for your niece. Shall
      we go seek Benedick, and tell him of her love?

CLAUDIO

Never tell him, my lord: let her wear it out with
190 good counsel.

LEONATO

Nay, that's impossible: she may wear her heart out first.

DON PEDRO

      Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter:
      let it cool the while. I love Benedick well; and I
      could wish he would modestly examine himself, to see
195   how much he is unworthy so good a lady.

LEONATO

My lord, will you walk? dinner is ready.

CLAUDIO

If he do not dote on her upon this, I will never
trust my expectation.

DON PEDRO

      Let there be the same net spread for her; and that
200   must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The
      sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of
      another's dotage, and no such matter: that's the
      scene that I would see, which will be merely a
      dumb-show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner.

Exeunt DON PEDRO, CLAUDIO, and LEONATO

BENEDICK

205   (Coming forward) This can be no trick: the
      conference was sadly borne. They have the truth of
      this from Hero. They seem to pity the lady: it
      seems her affections have their full bent. Love me!
      why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censured:
210   they say I will bear myself proudly, if I perceive
      the love come from her; they say too that she will
      rather die than give any sign of affection. I did
      never think to marry: I must not seem proud: happy
      are they that hear their detractions and can put
215   them to mending. They say the lady is fair; 'tis a
      truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous; 'tis
      so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving
      me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor
      no great argument of her folly, for I will be
220   horribly in love with her. I may chance have some
      odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me,
      because I have railed so long against marriage: but
      doth not the appetite alter? a man loves the meat
      in his youth that he cannot endure in his age.
225   Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of
      the brain awe a man from the career of his humour?
      No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would
      die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I
      were married. Here comes Beatrice. By this day!
230   she's a fair lady: I do spy some marks of love in
      her.

Enter BEATRICE

BEATRICE

Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.

BENEDICK

Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains.

BEATRICE

      I took no more pains for those thanks than you take
235   pains to thank me: if it had been painful, I would
      not have come.

BENEDICK

You take pleasure then in the message?

BEATRICE

      Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knife's
      point and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach,
240   signior: fare you well.

Exit

BENEDICK

      Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in
      to dinner;' there's a double meaning in that 'I took
      no more pains for those thanks than you took pains
      to thank me.' that's as much as to say, Any pains
245   that I take for you is as easy as thanks. If I do
      not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not
      love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture.

Exit

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