Much Ado about Nothing: ACT III
Introduction ACT I ACT II ACT III SCENE I. LEONATO'S garden. SCENE II. A room in LEONATO'S house SCENE III. A street. SCENE IV. HERO's apartment. SCENE V. Another room in LEONATO'S house. ACT IV ACT V About the Play Feedback			Search: All the plays Hamlet Coriolanus Julius Caesar King Lear Macbeth Othello Romeo and Juliet Richard II Richard III Titus Andronicus Antony and Cleopatra Timon of Athens Henry IV Part 1 Henry IV Part 2 Henry the Fifth Henry VI Part 1 Henry VI Part 2 Henry VI Part 3 Henry VIII King John Pericles Troilus and Cressida All's Well... As You Like It The Comedy of Errors Cymbeline A Midsummer... Love's Labour's Lost Measure for Measure The Merry Wives... Much Ado about Nothing The Merchant of Venice Twelfth Night The Taming of... The Tempest The Two Gentlemen... The Winter's Tale    for: SCENE III. A street. Enter DOGBERRY and VERGES with the Watch DOGBERRY       Are you good men and true? VERGES       Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer       salvation, body and soul. DOGBERRY       Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if 5     they should have any allegiance in them, being       chosen for the prince's watch. VERGES       Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry. DOGBERRY       First, who think you the most desertless man to be       constable? First Watchman 10    Hugh Otecake, sir, or George Seacole; for they can       write and read. DOGBERRY       Come hither, neighbour Seacole. God hath blessed       you with a good name: to be a well-favoured man is       the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes by nature. Second Watchman 15    Both which, master constable,-- DOGBERRY       You have: I knew it would be your answer. Well,       for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks, and make       no boast of it; and for your writing and reading,       let that appear when there is no need of such 20    vanity. You are thought here to be the most       senseless and fit man for the constable of the       watch; therefore bear you the lantern. This is your       charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are       to bid any man stand, in the prince's name. Second Watchman 25    How if a' will not stand? DOGBERRY       Why, then, take no note of him, but let him go; and       presently call the rest of the watch together and       thank God you are rid of a knave. VERGES       If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none 30    of the prince's subjects. DOGBERRY       True, and they are to meddle with none but the       prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in       the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to       talk is most tolerable and not to be endured. Watchman 35    We will rather sleep than talk: we know what       belongs to a watch. DOGBERRY       Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet       watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should       offend: only, have a care that your bills be not 40    stolen. Well, you are to call at all the       ale-houses, and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. Watchman       How if they will not? DOGBERRY       Why, then, let them alone till they are sober: if       they make you not then the better answer, you may 45    say they are not the men you took them for. Watchman       Well, sir. DOGBERRY       If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue       of your office, to be no true man; and, for such       kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, 50    why the more is for your honesty. Watchman       If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay       hands on him? DOGBERRY       Truly, by your office, you may; but I think they       that touch pitch will be defiled: the most peaceable 55    way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him       show himself what he is and steal out of your company. VERGES       You have been always called a merciful man, partner. DOGBERRY       Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more       a man who hath any honesty in him. VERGES 60    If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call       to the nurse and bid her still it. Watchman       How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us? DOGBERRY       Why, then, depart in peace, and let the child wake       her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her 65    lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats. VERGES       'Tis very true. DOGBERRY       This is the end of the charge:--you, constable, are       to present the prince's own person: if you meet the       prince in the night, you may stay him. VERGES 70    Nay, by'r our lady, that I think a' cannot. DOGBERRY       Five shillings to one on't, with any man that knows       the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without       the prince be willing; for, indeed, the watch ought       to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a 75    man against his will. VERGES       By'r lady, I think it be so. DOGBERRY       Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an there be       any matter of weight chances, call up me: keep your       fellows' counsels and your own; and good night. 80    Come, neighbour. Watchman       Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go sit here       upon the church-bench till two, and then all to bed. DOGBERRY       One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch       about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being 85    there to-morrow, there is a great coil to-night.       Adieu: be vigitant, I beseech you. Exeunt DOGBERRY and VERGES Enter BORACHIO and CONRADE BORACHIO       What Conrade! Watchman       (Aside) Peace! stir not. BORACHIO       Conrade, I say! CONRADE 90    Here, man; I am at thy elbow. BORACHIO       Mass, and my elbow itched; I thought there would a       scab follow. CONRADE       I will owe thee an answer for that: and now forward       with thy tale. BORACHIO 95    Stand thee close, then, under this pent-house, for       it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,       utter all to thee. Watchman       (Aside) Some treason, masters: yet stand close. BORACHIO       Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats. CONRADE 100   Is it possible that any villany should be so dear? BORACHIO       Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any       villany should be so rich; for when rich villains       have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what       price they will. CONRADE 105   I wonder at it. BORACHIO       That shows thou art unconfirmed. Thou knowest that       the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is       nothing to a man. CONRADE       Yes, it is apparel. BORACHIO 110   I mean, the fashion. CONRADE       Yes, the fashion is the fashion. BORACHIO       Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But       seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion       is? Watchman 115   (Aside) I know that Deformed; a' has been a vile       thief this seven year; a' goes up and down like a       gentleman: I remember his name. BORACHIO       Didst thou not hear somebody? CONRADE       No; 'twas the vane on the house. BORACHIO 120   Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this       fashion is? how giddily a' turns about all the hot       bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty?       sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers       in the reeky painting, sometime like god Bel's 125   priests in the old church-window, sometime like the       shaven Hercules in the smirched worm-eaten tapestry,       where his codpiece seems as massy as his club? CONRADE       All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears       out more apparel than the man. But art not thou 130   thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast       shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion? BORACHIO       Not so, neither: but know that I have to-night       wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the       name of Hero: she leans me out at her mistress' 135   chamber-window, bids me a thousand times good       night,--I tell this tale vilely:--I should first       tell thee how the prince, Claudio and my master,       planted and placed and possessed by my master Don       John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. CONRADE 140   And thought they Margaret was Hero? BORACHIO       Two of them did, the prince and Claudio; but the       devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly       by his oaths, which first possessed them, partly by       the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly 145   by my villany, which did confirm any slander that       Don John had made, away went Claudio enraged; swore       he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning       at the temple, and there, before the whole       congregation, shame her with what he saw o'er night 150   and send her home again without a husband. First Watchman       We charge you, in the prince's name, stand! Second Watchman       Call up the right master constable. We have here       recovered the most dangerous piece of lechery that       ever was known in the commonwealth. First Watchman 155   And one Deformed is one of them: I know him; a'       wears a lock. CONRADE       Masters, masters,-- Second Watchman       You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you. CONRADE       Masters,-- First Watchman 160   Never speak: we charge you let us obey you to go with us. BORACHIO       We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken       up of these men's bills. CONRADE       A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you. Exeunt Return to top of page ... or ... Go to next scene