Twelfth Night, or What You Will: ACT V , SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.

Twelfth Night, or What You Will: ACT V


	Introduction

	ACT I

	ACT II

	ACT III

	ACT IV

	ACT V

		SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.

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SCENE I. Before OLIVIA's house.

Enter Clown and FABIAN

FABIAN

Now, as thou lovest me, let me see his letter.

Clown

Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

FABIAN

Any thing.

Clown

Do not desire to see this letter.

FABIAN

5 This is, to give a dog, and in recompense desire my
dog again.

Enter DUKE ORSINO, VIOLA, CURIO, and Lords

DUKE ORSINO

Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

Clown

Ay, sir; we are some of her trappings.

DUKE ORSINO

I know thee well; how dost thou, my good fellow?

Clown

10 Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse
for my friends.

DUKE ORSINO

Just the contrary; the better for thy friends.

Clown

No, sir, the worse.

DUKE ORSINO

How can that be?

Clown

15    Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me;
      now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by
      my foes, sir I profit in the knowledge of myself,
      and by my friends, I am abused: so that,
      conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives
20    make your two affirmatives why then, the worse for
      my friends and the better for my foes.

DUKE ORSINO

Why, this is excellent.

Clown

By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be
one of my friends.

DUKE ORSINO

25 Thou shalt not be the worse for me: there's gold.

Clown

But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would
you could make it another.

DUKE ORSINO

O, you give me ill counsel.

Clown

Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,
30 and let your flesh and blood obey it.

DUKE ORSINO

Well, I will be so much a sinner, to be a
double-dealer: there's another.

Clown

      Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old
      saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex,
35    sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of
      Saint Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

DUKE ORSINO

      You can fool no more money out of me at this throw:
      if you will let your lady know I am here to speak
      with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake
40    my bounty further.

Clown

      Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come
      again. I go, sir; but I would not have you to think
      that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness:
      but, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap, I
45    will awake it anon.

Exit

VIOLA

Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

Enter ANTONIO and Officers

DUKE ORSINO

      That face of his I do remember well;
      Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmear'd
      As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war:
50    A bawbling vessel was he captain of,
      For shallow draught and bulk unprizable;
      With which such scathful grapple did he make
      With the most noble bottom of our fleet,
      That very envy and the tongue of loss
55    Cried fame and honour on him. What's the matter?

First Officer

      Orsino, this is that Antonio
      That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy;
      And this is he that did the Tiger board,
      When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:
60    Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
      In private brabble did we apprehend him.

VIOLA

      He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side;
      But in conclusion put strange speech upon me:
      I know not what 'twas but distraction.

DUKE ORSINO

65    Notable pirate! thou salt-water thief!
      What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,
      Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,
      Hast made thine enemies?

ANTONIO

      Orsino, noble sir,
70    Be pleased that I shake off these names you give me:
      Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,
      Though I confess, on base and ground enough,
      Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
      That most ingrateful boy there by your side,
75    From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
      Did I redeem; a wreck past hope he was:
      His life I gave him and did thereto add
      My love, without retention or restraint,
      All his in dedication; for his sake
80    Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
      Into the danger of this adverse town;
      Drew to defend him when he was beset:
      Where being apprehended, his false cunning,
      Not meaning to partake with me in danger,
85    Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
      And grew a twenty years removed thing
      While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,
      Which I had recommended to his use
      Not half an hour before.

VIOLA

90 How can this be?

DUKE ORSINO

When came he to this town?

ANTONIO

      To-day, my lord; and for three months before,
      No interim, not a minute's vacancy,
      Both day and night did we keep company.

Enter OLIVIA and Attendants

DUKE ORSINO

95    Here comes the countess: now heaven walks on earth.
      But for thee, fellow; fellow, thy words are madness:
      Three months this youth hath tended upon me;
      But more of that anon. Take him aside.

OLIVIA

      What would my lord, but that he may not have,
100   Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?
      Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

VIOLA

Madam!

DUKE ORSINO

Gracious Olivia,--

OLIVIA

What do you say, Cesario? Good my lord,--

VIOLA

105 My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

OLIVIA

      If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,
      It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear
      As howling after music.

DUKE ORSINO

Still so cruel?

OLIVIA

110 Still so constant, lord.

DUKE ORSINO

      What, to perverseness? you uncivil lady,
      To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars
      My soul the faithfull'st offerings hath breathed out
      That e'er devotion tender'd! What shall I do?

OLIVIA

115 Even what it please my lord, that shall become him.

DUKE ORSINO

      Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,
      Like to the Egyptian thief at point of death,
      Kill what I love?--a savage jealousy
      That sometimes savours nobly. But hear me this:
120   Since you to non-regardance cast my faith,
      And that I partly know the instrument
      That screws me from my true place in your favour,
      Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still;
      But this your minion, whom I know you love,
125   And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,
      Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,
      Where he sits crowned in his master's spite.
      Come, boy, with me; my thoughts are ripe in mischief:
      I'll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,
130   To spite a raven's heart within a dove.

VIOLA

And I, most jocund, apt and willingly,
To do you rest, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA

Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA

      After him I love
135   More than I love these eyes, more than my life,
      More, by all mores, than e'er I shall love wife.
      If I do feign, you witnesses above
      Punish my life for tainting of my love!

OLIVIA

Ay me, detested! how am I beguiled!

VIOLA

140 Who does beguile you? who does do you wrong?

OLIVIA

Hast thou forgot thyself? is it so long?
Call forth the holy father.

DUKE ORSINO

Come, away!

OLIVIA

Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

DUKE ORSINO

145 Husband!

OLIVIA

Ay, husband: can he that deny?

DUKE ORSINO

Her husband, sirrah!

VIOLA

No, my lord, not I.

OLIVIA

      Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear
150   That makes thee strangle thy propriety:
      Fear not, Cesario; take thy fortunes up;
      Be that thou know'st thou art, and then thou art
      As great as that thou fear'st.

Enter Priest

      O, welcome, father!
155   Father, I charge thee, by thy reverence,
      Here to unfold, though lately we intended
      To keep in darkness what occasion now
      Reveals before 'tis ripe, what thou dost know
      Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me.

Priest

160   A contract of eternal bond of love,
      Confirm'd by mutual joinder of your hands,
      Attested by the holy close of lips,
      Strengthen'd by interchangement of your rings;
      And all the ceremony of this compact
165   Seal'd in my function, by my testimony:
      Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my grave
      I have travell'd but two hours.

DUKE ORSINO

      O thou dissembling cub! what wilt thou be
      When time hath sow'd a grizzle on thy case?
170   Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow,
      That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?
      Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet
      Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

VIOLA

My lord, I do protest--

OLIVIA

175 O, do not swear!
Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

Enter SIR ANDREW

SIR ANDREW

For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one presently
to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA

What's the matter?

SIR ANDREW

180   He has broke my head across and has given Sir Toby
      a bloody coxcomb too: for the love of God, your
      help! I had rather than forty pound I were at home.

OLIVIA

Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW

The count's gentleman, one Cesario: we took him for
185 a coward, but he's the very devil incardinate.

DUKE ORSINO

My gentleman, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW

      'Od's lifelings, here he is! You broke my head for
      nothing; and that that I did, I was set on to do't
      by Sir Toby.

VIOLA

190   Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you:
      You drew your sword upon me without cause;
      But I bespoke you fair, and hurt you not.

SIR ANDREW

If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me: I
think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and Clown

195   Here comes Sir Toby halting; you shall hear more:
      but if he had not been in drink, he would have
      tickled you othergates than he did.

DUKE ORSINO

How now, gentleman! how is't with you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

That's all one: has hurt me, and there's the end
200 on't. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot?

Clown

O, he's drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes
were set at eight i' the morning.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then he's a rogue, and a passy measures panyn: I
hate a drunken rogue.

OLIVIA

205 Away with him! Who hath made this havoc with them?

SIR ANDREW

I'll help you, Sir Toby, because well be dressed together.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Will you help? an ass-head and a coxcomb and a
knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull!

OLIVIA

Get him to bed, and let his hurt be look'd to.

Exeunt Clown, FABIAN, SIR TOBY BELCH, and SIR ANDREW

Enter SEBASTIAN

SEBASTIAN

210   I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman:
      But, had it been the brother of my blood,
      I must have done no less with wit and safety.
      You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that
      I do perceive it hath offended you:
215   Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows
      We made each other but so late ago.

DUKE ORSINO

One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons,
A natural perspective, that is and is not!

SEBASTIAN

      Antonio, O my dear Antonio!
220   How have the hours rack'd and tortured me,
      Since I have lost thee!

ANTONIO

Sebastian are you?

SEBASTIAN

Fear'st thou that, Antonio?

ANTONIO

      How have you made division of yourself?
225   An apple, cleft in two, is not more twin
      Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

OLIVIA

Most wonderful!

SEBASTIAN

      Do I stand there? I never had a brother;
      Nor can there be that deity in my nature,
230   Of here and every where. I had a sister,
      Whom the blind waves and surges have devour'd.
      Of charity, what kin are you to me?
      What countryman? what name? what parentage?

VIOLA

      Of Messaline: Sebastian was my father;
235   Such a Sebastian was my brother too,
      So went he suited to his watery tomb:
      If spirits can assume both form and suit
      You come to fright us.

SEBASTIAN

      A spirit I am indeed;
240   But am in that dimension grossly clad
      Which from the womb I did participate.
      Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,
      I should my tears let fall upon your cheek,
      And say 'Thrice-welcome, drowned Viola!'

VIOLA

245 My father had a mole upon his brow.

SEBASTIAN

And so had mine.

VIOLA

And died that day when Viola from her birth
Had number'd thirteen years.

SEBASTIAN

      O, that record is lively in my soul!
250   He finished indeed his mortal act
      That day that made my sister thirteen years.

VIOLA

      If nothing lets to make us happy both
      But this my masculine usurp'd attire,
      Do not embrace me till each circumstance
255   Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump
      That I am Viola: which to confirm,
      I'll bring you to a captain in this town,
      Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help
      I was preserved to serve this noble count.
260   All the occurrence of my fortune since
      Hath been between this lady and this lord.

SEBASTIAN

      (To OLIVIA) So comes it, lady, you have been mistook:
      But nature to her bias drew in that.
      You would have been contracted to a maid;
265   Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived,
      You are betroth'd both to a maid and man.

DUKE ORSINO

      Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.
      If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,
      I shall have share in this most happy wreck.

To VIOLA

270 Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times
Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

VIOLA

      And all those sayings will I overswear;
      And those swearings keep as true in soul
      As doth that orbed continent the fire
275   That severs day from night.

DUKE ORSINO

Give me thy hand;
And let me see thee in thy woman's weeds.

VIOLA

      The captain that did bring me first on shore
      Hath my maid's garments: he upon some action
280   Is now in durance, at Malvolio's suit,
      A gentleman, and follower of my lady's.

OLIVIA

      He shall enlarge him: fetch Malvolio hither:
      And yet, alas, now I remember me,
      They say, poor gentleman, he's much distract.

Re-enter Clown with a letter, and FABIAN

285   A most extracting frenzy of mine own
      From my remembrance clearly banish'd his.
      How does he, sirrah?

Clown

      Truly, madam, he holds Belzebub at the staves's end as
      well as a man in his case may do: has here writ a
290   letter to you; I should have given't you to-day
      morning, but as a madman's epistles are no gospels,
      so it skills not much when they are delivered.

OLIVIA

Open't, and read it.

Clown

Look then to be well edified when the fool delivers
295 the madman.

Reads

'By the Lord, madam,'--

OLIVIA

How now! art thou mad?

Clown

No, madam, I do but read madness: an your ladyship
will have it as it ought to be, you must allow Vox.

OLIVIA

300 Prithee, read i' thy right wits.

Clown

So I do, madonna; but to read his right wits is to
read thus: therefore perpend, my princess, and give ear.

OLIVIA

Read it you, sirrah.

To FABIAN

FABIAN

      (Reads) 'By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and the
305   world shall know it: though you have put me into
      darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over
      me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as
      your ladyship. I have your own letter that induced
      me to the semblance I put on; with the which I doubt
310   not but to do myself much right, or you much shame.
      Think of me as you please. I leave my duty a little
      unthought of and speak out of my injury.
      THE MADLY-USED MALVOLIO.'

OLIVIA

Did he write this?

Clown

315 Ay, madam.

DUKE ORSINO

This savours not much of distraction.

OLIVIA

See him deliver'd, Fabian; bring him hither.

Exit FABIAN

      My lord so please you, these things further
      thought on,
320   To think me as well a sister as a wife,
      One day shall crown the alliance on't, so please you,
      Here at my house and at my proper cost.

DUKE ORSINO

Madam, I am most apt to embrace your offer.

To VIOLA

      Your master quits you; and for your service done him,
325   So much against the mettle of your sex,
      So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,
      And since you call'd me master for so long,
      Here is my hand: you shall from this time be
      Your master's mistress.

OLIVIA

330 A sister! you are she.

Re-enter FABIAN, with MALVOLIO

DUKE ORSINO

Is this the madman?

OLIVIA

Ay, my lord, this same.
How now, Malvolio!

MALVOLIO

Madam, you have done me wrong,
335 Notorious wrong.

OLIVIA

Have I, Malvolio? no.

MALVOLIO

      Lady, you have. Pray you, peruse that letter.
      You must not now deny it is your hand:
      Write from it, if you can, in hand or phrase;
340   Or say 'tis not your seal, nor your invention:
      You can say none of this: well, grant it then
      And tell me, in the modesty of honour,
      Why you have given me such clear lights of favour,
      Bade me come smiling and cross-garter'd to you,
345   To put on yellow stockings and to frown
      Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people;
      And, acting this in an obedient hope,
      Why have you suffer'd me to be imprison'd,
      Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,
350   And made the most notorious geck and gull
      That e'er invention play'd on? tell me why.

OLIVIA

      Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,
      Though, I confess, much like the character
      But out of question 'tis Maria's hand.
355   And now I do bethink me, it was she
      First told me thou wast mad; then camest in smiling,
      And in such forms which here were presupposed
      Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content:
      This practise hath most shrewdly pass'd upon thee;
360   But when we know the grounds and authors of it,
      Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge
      Of thine own cause.

FABIAN

      Good madam, hear me speak,
      And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come
365   Taint the condition of this present hour,
      Which I have wonder'd at. In hope it shall not,
      Most freely I confess, myself and Toby
      Set this device against Malvolio here,
      Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts
370   We had conceived against him: Maria writ
      The letter at Sir Toby's great importance;
      In recompense whereof he hath married her.
      How with a sportful malice it was follow'd,
      May rather pluck on laughter than revenge;
375   If that the injuries be justly weigh'd
      That have on both sides pass'd.

OLIVIA

Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

Clown

      Why, 'some are born great, some achieve greatness,
      and some have greatness thrown upon them.' I was
380   one, sir, in this interlude; one Sir Topas, sir; but
      that's all one. 'By the Lord, fool, I am not mad.'
      But do you remember? 'Madam, why laugh you at such
      a barren rascal? an you smile not, he's gagged:'
      and thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.

MALVOLIO

385 I'll be revenged on the whole pack of you.

Exit

OLIVIA

He hath been most notoriously abused.

DUKE ORSINO

      Pursue him and entreat him to a peace:
      He hath not told us of the captain yet:
      When that is known and golden time convents,
390   A solemn combination shall be made
      Of our dear souls. Meantime, sweet sister,
      We will not part from hence. Cesario, come;
      For so you shall be, while you are a man;
      But when in other habits you are seen,
395   Orsino's mistress and his fancy's queen.

Exeunt all, except Clown

Clown

      When that I was and a little tiny boy,
      With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,
      A foolish thing was but a toy,
400   For the rain it raineth every day.
      But when I came to man's estate,
      With hey, ho, &c.
      'Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,
      For the rain, &c.
405   But when I came, alas! to wive,
      With hey, ho, &c.
      By swaggering could I never thrive,
      For the rain, &c.
      But when I came unto my beds,
410   With hey, ho, &c.
      With toss-pots still had drunken heads,
      For the rain, &c.
      A great while ago the world begun,
      With hey, ho, &c.
415   But that's all one, our play is done,
      And we'll strive to please you every day.

Exit

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